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gold house

by chelsey weber-smith

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1.
suburbs 04:13
I grew up in a suburb far away from here, in love with love but more afraid of fear. But there's a quiet place that I find everywhere. The world didn't end my friends we are still here. And I dreamed a dream, we were children again. No parents, we left them to meet in a field with the night slowly coming in. I'm trying to take care of all the people I love. I'm trying to take care of even those I have lost. But there's a secret place where everything is as it was. It's a field in the night you can find if you're quiet enough. And I've seen a scene where the ocean meets the cliffs. We've been there and we'll be there for the rest of our lives, held inside of it. Every time I dream I dream of you. Every time I dream the sky falls down on me and I wonder if you dream of me, if you still see the same thing I see.
2.
ramblin man 04:23
I was born a rambling man born right onto a road with no idea where it goes knife at my hip, and smoke in my hands But what they saw was a little princess blue eyes and blonde curls fair as any girl but they don’t know how red my skin gets or how red when I’m out in the sun in the back of a truck and I believe in love even when it treats me real rough the sun knows all my secrets even when it goes down the moon hangs around and I beg him but he just can’t keep them So here I stand in the broad light of day even thing I’ve become goes soft in the sun and I could cry at any stranger’s face cause I’m gone in my heart the passenger seat of a car a old man with white scars is telling me everything he’s loved I know just who I am but I don’t know if I can make life from the land with just my two hands But oh, I will try Lord by and by all that is real is at the edge of the field I loved you most when you were a ghost but now that you’re here I only feel fear I was born staring up at the black born dirty and tired by an dying campfire all superstition with no trust in fact
3.
colors 04:41
Tell me about the blue how it wounded you right underneath your eye like a bee sting in the summer time your father carried you away from the hive under his arm while you cried And no I don’t think red looks good on you you tried your anger on but it always fit a little loose oh child of the sky if the blue it hurts too bad then look for the green and see it roll across the land And tell me about the gold how it made you old it was just the setting sun nut you were young enough to believe in truth a girl she stood very close to you her clothes in her arms too shy to move And no I don’t see the turning of the leaves I tried everything I don’t know what you want from me oh child of the sun if the gold it cuts too deep remember the good white moon hanging over your black sleep Hands up catch what falls I saw you cry full rosaries and then you stopped Tell me about the rose how you watched it close you tacked it on your wall it dried out nice it dried out small you swore that you heard somebody call out your name from down the hall
4.
sunburn 05:35
I know where you have been you're like a bird flying against the wind you're like a fish, always swimming upstream no guarantees there's no guarantee that you'll be redeemed cause I know what you have done you're like something green growing toward the sun you're like the moon, you keep all our light you don't mind guiding a few fools through the night cause we get lost and we get found learn to swim but hope to drown and I'll pray for your lonely soul and I'll pray for my own So here is the new and wild world we gotta figure out what it's worth it's like we're all caught up in a blackberry vine eating sweets and bleeding it seems all of the time but I try not to be hurt by my love I watch my skin burned by the sun it's like sometimes I get too close to the heart of the world my skin curls apart like madrone bark I get dead, then I get alive cross my heart and hope to die and I'll pray for your sleeping soul and I'll pray for my own I pray for you in this bright blue swimming pool I'm something old that wants to be new I know it's true when I look up at the moon it is something old that wants to be new I wonder too how your eyes. they got so blue are you something old that wants to be new? Are you something old that wants to be new? I am something old that wants to be new, so I pray for you in this bright blue swimming pool.
5.
Don't worry baby, everything is coming good We took all that we needed now we're giving back all we took. And it's a lie that we aren't always together, we'll walk the railroad tracks, we'll walk forever. Walk with me now. Don't worry mama, everything is working out just go ahead and breathe all this air we forgot about. And it's a lie that weren’t always together we share the same lives and we share them forever. Share it with me now. The air I am breathing now, I know it was once in you when I feel lonely so so alone, I breathe like I used to before all this fear broke us, before it shattered us all apart like the devil was made from God's first doubting thought. Don't worry darling, you know that I love you still. The one thing I can promise is that somehow I always will. And it's a lie that we aren’t always together, we share this same life and we share it forever. Share it with me now. Don't worry my friends, you are doing wonderfully. Sometimes when I think of it all I wanna do is weep. And it's a lie that we aren’t always together. We sing the same song and we sing it forever. Sing with me now. I'll try to love you better than you do if you try to love me for the things I'd like to be The air I am breathing now, I swear it was once in you when you feel lonely so so alone, just breathe like you used to before this fear broke us, before it shattered us both apart like the devil was made from God's first doubting thought. and I'll try to love you better than you do if you try to love me for the things I wish I could be.
6.
chemtrails 03:40
Chemtrails The planes, they leave chemtrails in the bright blue sky like white scratches on my arms in the summer time. I love this world so much sometimes it makes me want to cry when I’m standing in the dust waiting for a ride. I spent a long time with my heart good and broke. You got a heart like that, it’s like a shard in your throat. When everything you love is like the side of the road, and you got a pick-up truck inside your gut and that thing just goes and goes. So I moved out to Virginia and I got a degree and now I am licensed to write the truest poetry. But the one thing that I learned and I learned begrudgingly is that the only poems are these kind moments when the words escape me. And I go home sometimes, dreaming of your eyes. I know that I cannot look at them long cause they break my weary heart. So I guess I’m going home to the other, stranger coast where I learned how to fish in my father’s silver boat, where I learned what to keep and what to let go, now it all slips between my fingers and I watch it sinking like a stone. So I’m sorry my friends for all the weird things I’ve done. When I act like the dark, when I act like the sun. I want you all to know I never forget your love, it is stuck under my heart like bright-pink bubble gum. And I go home sometimes, dreaming of new skies but I know that I cannot look to them long cause they break my weary heart. Cause I hate saying goodbye cause I’m always saying goodbye. It’s like everything I know gets behind me on the road and I could kiss you tonight. While the planes they leave chemtrails in the bright blue sky like white scratches on my arm in the summertime. I love with world so much sometimes I think I’m gonna die, when you’re standing in the dust and you’re waving goodbye.
7.
good old 04:58
8.
Oh, your ego is a monster, it follows us around like a stalker but we don't give a damn about this empty boaster, my friends are I are headed for the rollercoasters. Every girl I've met has known this monster, strangers, bosses, boyfriends, fathers, but the thing about this girl is you will never own her, she's coming with me, we're going on a rollercoaster. It shoots us up quick, twists, and then we're among the stars, do not be afraid my friend to throw your arms up cause we got we he don't, babe we got love. I wonder if it's true that privilege makes a monster, hating all the people you have to watch suffer then you've got the gall to claim that you are most hurt well you can't gaslight us when we're on a rollercoaster. Anything that he can get away with he will, he's jamming all these camels through the eye of a needle, at the top of his hotel heaven ain't no closer but I'm convinced I found it on the rollercoaster. It shoots us up quick, twists, and then we're among the stars, do not be afraid my love to throw up your arms because cause we got we he don't, babe we got love. At the end of the day when you lie down all you've got is who you are and all of us will be staring at you, we'll be staring at you from the dark but that ain't all that true, we got something better to it. It shoots us up quick, twists and then we're in the blue sky all my friends look beautiful, they look beautiful when they cry. Do you cry cause we got what you don't and we might be right?
9.
Happy birthday now to me happy birthday to this old dog all I want for my birthday is to feel that old sense of awe The world it turns And so do I I did it, I hit it, then the world turned it other cheek and I kissed it I saw a boy crucified in the sky he looked down at the world with the stars in his eyes I asked him what if anything he’d want he said all I want is for you to come up He said the world it hurts And so do I I wouldn’t, I knew I shouldn’t, the world’s my little darling and I just couldn’t Where I always go now I return the light across the water that’s all I’ve learned I don’t know whether to be silent or shout I want to scream at you and hold your hand throughout In the world, I know you learn, you learn And so do I But the quiet and riot both have their songs to sing And so do you So what kind of song will we sing to bring the world down to its knees? And what kind of song will we sing to bring the world up to its feet? To all my friends I love who have said goodbye you’re welcome back into my life anytime and if you just can’t that’s okay by me you visit me anyway inside my dreams I know the world, it turns And so do we But I keep fighting, I got two lions inside me and a scorpion and a dragon
10.
new humans 05:35
Muses come again to me, leaving the gold house. Do your cool thoughts and wanton heart still weight upon your brow? I felt it too on the hill of the muse staring at the Aegean Sea. What worries you, my tenth dark muse, well, it worries me. Phaedo laid his perfect head on the lap of Socrates. He loved him then at the trials end and he cried into his knees. Old Socrates would still drink the tea and twist Phaedo’s golden curls. The last thing he said was to fix a debt and then he died quiet for the world. Oh, what love. Lorca raised his heavy head to stare into the trees. He didn’t know how but he held dark sound in his small body. They killed him then, you know they shot him dead, scared of that true beauty. More powerful than the cry of the war was a love a lightning. In a dream Johnny saw a picture of the new humans. They were beautiful, blue skinned and bright, they were soft and genderless. And when they spoke, not through their throats but through their golden eyes, the whole of the world was a golden curl sheered from the lamb of the sky. And oh, what love. When the pastor says God, well I just replace it with Love. Rilke said it can’t come until the end. So don’t wait for a savior, save your own savior, because all of us will add up to one. We are what makes it come, when all us add up to one. When I meditate your body enters mine. I am blue and so are you and we lie in the yellow light. It is more than love it is a step above see we are crosses on the sun. You are more than you in electric blue you’ve got the shine of a chosen one. Oh, we are love.
11.
I can’t get a grip on the world though I try and try my heart is a golden field you eat ice cream beside and up above your head is that old blue sky faithful as a dog waiting for you to arrive I can’t get a grip on the world though I’ve tried my best my love is a gold cut across the length of my chest and though it tries to heal oh those faithful platelets not a day goes by that something don’t open it And I can’t get a grip on the world oh how I would like to this world is a magic we are all trying to refute but one day I’ll get brave I’ll say “no no! it’s all true!” and we’ll stand in a golden field under a regal blue Some people say you must transcend the world that god lives above all the blood and the dirt but I understand Thomas I know what he wasn’t sure I’ll have to touch your pretty cut if you ever do return

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released January 5, 2016

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chelsey weber-smith Seattle, Washington

suburban sad sack outlaw country

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